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RavenSunriseseeing things from another point of view in this never ending circle |
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| Feb. 25th, 2005 @ 12:32 am I LOVE YOU MUAAAHH | |||
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feeling kindof ....:
the party was awesome!!!!!!! at first everyone was akwardly quiet cuz they didnt know eachother.......then it started mixing up more and more people showed up so it turned out really good and when my dad got home he walked in looking like he was mad lol then broke out into and old man dance with his fingers pointing in the air and his butt goin back and forth. it was really funny. he is ok when he thinks im glad he didnt try to end things then... people came and went and we broke a pinyata* outside filled with confetti and candy it was fun. we ended up breaking ashlia's snow thing for cleaning off her car. but its ok. half of us fell in the snow trying to hit it. cuz it was hung above a snowbank on the clothes line....marvin entertaind us towards the end of the night with his hour long story about being sick and all the things he had to go through. its so good that he lived. then everyone left at like 11 except for me ashlia and marvin....... we talked about before i got some pictures from the last actual b day party i had at my house. and dances from 8th grade and we talked about that stuff and how different things are now tht was really fun. im glad the 3 of us actaully kept in touch lol. then ashlia left at like 1230 cuz her mom finallly called cuz she should have been home for 12 lol. her mom has gotten alot better then before....... me na marvin hung out for like a half hour longer i showed him garage band and he wanted to come play with that today but it didnt happen. i didnt sleep till 4 30 this past morning n e ways so i was tired. but that was a very satisfying b day party. i missed frank being there. its ok tho. jeffrey was his stand in lol... jk! (ahh i cant stop coughing!) birthdays are fun! vedy goojeelistening to: the frank n nancy cd!!! | ||
| Feb. 14th, 2005 @ 07:58 pm multi | |||
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feeling kindof ....:
Happy Valentines Day.................. YAY !!!! today wasnt bad i wworked after school and we didnt fix my truck but its ok jeffrey is letting me borrow his car tomorrow to go to class! helpfulllllll thank you jeffrey ! he'll fix it wednesday in shop..  ???listening to: papa roach i think im getting a cold i was really tired today in school and my throat hurted a little and yeah my ears might be hurting some but not really they just did like 2 seconds ago just a quick sharp pain.. i have a dentist appt. tomorrow after school.....i cant wait for shop i want to be there not in classes.... my nana is sucha pack rat her whole appartment is boxes of junk ! i hope im never like that cuz i kinda am now .... ill have to take pictures of how it is down there so that when i think of saving things i dont.. i really reallly neeeeeeeed to call caitlyn badly grrrr tooooo many things obligations that i have! i need to pay my loans and insurance tomorrow 204 and 60 0o0o0o0o k i want to buy an Xmod soon but i feel like ill never have money! i wonder how much ill get back for taxes!i really hope its alot i need it i want to do so many things with it but i really should use it to reinstate my insurance.... my truck since i got it: -tire rod ends -idler arm -rear brakes -transmission -drive shaft -starter -battery (replaced bolt still waiting to see if i need the new one!) -brake line that is way tooo much stuff ! yeah it really is but oh well its so nice i love it its my beast i love my beast!!!!! a stranger called me today in school i told them to call back again and leave a message! they didnt so i called them n their answering machine stated "hi you've reached rocco, john and dave......ect" i love them johns my best friend !! i left them a message hopefully they'll call back ! (after my birthday of course) i had a really good weekend frank was stabbed in the bumm by an evil stick tryin to steel mah man!! so after i left work i went to his house and took care of him (i washed his feet and made sure his bumm was clean... now thats love!) lol he's cute when he's crippled! i had a bunch of trouble with my truck trying to get to his house but i made it! it was a gooood night relaxing.. i left my truck there and just went to work with jeffrey in the morning they chared my battery alllllll day long and after work we went to go develope his pictures of his bumm and his snowman and we shopped for food and socks n stuff.. we got pizza for every one then slept at my house. when we were leaving to go to my house we discovered the problem with my truck the bolt for the positive port was stripped so we put a new one there then it worked great... that was a really good night too and then i worked sunday and discovered my leek in the brake line! grrrreat! it really was a wonderful weekend even though i was breaking the rules of isolation oh wellllllll | ||
| Feb. 13th, 2005 @ 10:56 pm ....... | |||
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feeling kindof ....:
im tired... i have kindof alot of stuff to talk about but im really tired i had a great fri-sat-sunday morning tho the res of sunday was just ok  sleeeeeeeeeeeplistening to: apocalyptica-romance "i wanna make love to you..... and sleep tangled together.....that will be my dream tonight i hope you visit me in my sleep" see you in about 7 minutes | ||
| Feb. 9th, 2005 @ 11:07 pm ....... | |||
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feeling kindof ....:
my belly hurts so i cant sleep good..... baby i miss you. i love you blaaaaahlistening to: none yet | ||
| Feb. 9th, 2005 @ 12:10 am ....... | |||
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| gooooooooood morning yeah i cant sleep really again uhh it sucks oh well ............ hmmmm today i started my self portrait... i had to trace the whole picture yeah its really detailed it took me 4 hours to finish tracing it.. i had to make a transparency then put it onto the overhead and cast it on paper to draw it. i was in are from 8:30 till lunch. at least that part is done now tho.. YAY and i got my file transfer thing.. its gooood! yuppuy (sorry babe) lol so hi yeah how u doin? im uhhh... class was so hard man i think im going to do horible like i get it one sec then i dont then i do it is crazy i think it just takes me like an extra hour for everything to click! damn .. ok goodnight | ||
| Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 10:26 pm ....... | |||
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| 1. Whats your name? 2. What do I call you (nicknames)? 3. What do you think of my appearance? 4. From 1-10 what would you rate me? 5. What's our relationship? 6. Do you think I could physically hurt someone, and how far do I think I could go? 7. Truthfully, what do you think about me? 8. How long have we known each other? 9. What's my favorite song, or one of my favorite? 10. Describe me in three words. 11. How often do we hang out? 12. If we hang out, what do we usually do? 13. What would you change about me? 14. What's my strength? 15. When's my birthday? 16. Name the fondest memory you have of/with me. 17. What makes me happier more than anything else? 18. How well do you think you know me? 19. Name a significant thing that has happened to me in the past 3 months. 20. What makes me upset? 21. Are you going to put this in your LJ and see what I say about you? 22. What's my favorite TV show? 23. What is my favorite hobby? 24. Do you think our friendship is getting weaker,staying the same,or getting stronger? 25. Give me a piece of advice. | ||
| Feb. 6th, 2005 @ 10:57 pm ....... | |||
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| frank left a little while ago.. he's so sweet. im really glad he brought my knife over "thank you babe" saturday night was an awesome night it was like before very relaxing! i love to be around him. we watched tv n talked some.. kyle was there so i played with him for a while while frank was in the shower..... he was like nacy! wheas britny lol i was like i dunno you should ask jeffrey but jeffrey was at hubers house. i remember hearing him pull in at like 12:15 ish.. they were looking at cars... then today i woke up and peed it like 8 30 n jeffrey was already up with kyle.. i fell back asleep so i ended up late for work lol jeffrey left without me but oh well he thought i was up.work was goood we played dodge ball hehe when i went to leave my truck wouldnt start and that turned into a project of pushing it around the whole building to get it in the doors then taking out my starter and going to the bank and then autozone...the starter was 36$ then jeffrey helped me put it in and that worked out great lol we stopped working at 3 i got home at 6 it was fun tho..... im part of the valvoline "family" now YAY and i decided that over time im gonna put a whole bunch of money into my truck first the whole interior im painting everything and re covering the seats and putting new fabric on the doors and a new rug for the floor! theeeeennnnnnn im goin to do the outside make it look nice..put the ss grille on it get a few touchup paint jobs everywhere new bumpers for the front and back black ones and thennnnnnnnnnnnnnn im going to put in a new engine and everything so my truck will look like an old fixed up truck and when you look under the hood WOW it'll be great cuz it will be fully fixed up! ohhh its gonna be great i think i finally found a hobby something i am passionate about! its what i wanted.... i always wanted something before to be like that about .. how alot of people are about sports or something! well this will be my thing! i love it and photography.. i hope frank decides to take that class with me! lol ok gooooood night ! i love you babe! uhh sorry brittney i havent called you but im really not calling n e one for a while.. but after my birthday we'll hang out ok hun | ||
| Feb. 5th, 2005 @ 07:02 am THANK YOU! | |||
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feeling kindof ....:
yeah i just wanted to say hi and thanks to everyone cuz the other night sucked. but thank you and frank i love you ill see you after i get out of work mmmmmmmmm meatloaf lol THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!! better nowlistening to: great cd with great songs on it | ||
| Feb. 3rd, 2005 @ 08:19 pm ....... | |||
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| FUCK!!!!!!!!!! i fucking hate my dad soooo soooos osoo0o0o0so0o0o0o0o0o much i cant staqnd to be near him hes stupid fucking gay ass reasons are running out fast ans he cant even talk about his shit because all his words mush together i fucking dumb! why? why did he have to be an alcoholic? fuck! OMG what the fuck i really cant stand to be near him. i hate it. I FUCKING HATE ALCOHOL! IT IS IDIOTIC! FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUCK i hate it. and i cant do shit about it i hate it i feel like i hate him you shouldnt hate your dad! helloooooo yeah fuck . i can do nothing nothing he cant remember anything i am surprised he remembers me ...... i was talking about money again cuz yeah he brought it up n he was like well maybe if you got rid you your stupid cell phone you wouldnt have a money problem. when from that comment alone he is a million times wrong and it just shows that he knows nothing because he cant even talk to his fucking daughter! and when he does he forgets every thing! i have told him like at least 7 times that frank pays for the cell phone! because he gives me that same fucking lecture everytime! yeah dad how about you listen for a change!and im really not getting rid of my cellphone now cuz of that stupid fuckin creepy guy i would like to be able to call someone if i ever get stuck in a bad situation! then his stupid ass complaining about his pride being torn down!(the entertainment center that he built) well if you want your pride back fucking do some shit around the house and build something new and exciting that we could actually use! instead of fucking going to the bar every night! i was telling him about how i just want my dad around not with his little friend "alcohol" around. i cant even talk to him without his little buddy wispering in his ear "what a bitch " "she's out to get you huh" fucking ass hole! here you want something from me here is all my money and my credit cards take them "NO DAD I WANT A FATHER WHEN HAVE I EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN YOU MONER???" "NEVER! SO FUCK OFFFFFFF" i cant believe i fucking hate it FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHENEVER HE EVER LENDS ME MONEY IF I DONT END UP NEEDING IT I FUCKIN GIVE IT BACK EVERY TIME! WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE THINK THAT IS WHAT I WANT HERE ILL PAY YOU TO BE HAPPY WITH ME DEAR SO I DONT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT QUITTING DRINKING BECAUS I LOVE ALCOHOL MORE THEN I LOVE YOU! FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FUUUUUUUCK!WHY CANT HE LOVE ME WHY CANT HE BE HAPPY WITH HIS LIFE WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DRINK TO FORGET EVERYTHING WHY ? ARE WE REALLY THAT BAD DID WE STAB HIM IN THE BACK !THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I WISH I COULD DO TO MAKE HIM STOP TO FEEL LIKE HE LOVES US, HIS LIFE! I WANT TO PUT MYSELF IN FRONT OF HIS TRUCK WHILE HE DRIVES HOME INTOXICATED EVERYNIGHT JUST SO HE WILL FUCKING WAKE UP! HELLLLLOOOOOOOO WHERE ARE YOU HEY!? IS MY DAD IN THERE? I CANT WAIT TO TURN 21 THAT WAY I CAN FUCKING SIT MY ASS RIGHT NEXT TO HIM AND SHOW HIM WAHT HE LOOKS LIKE AND EVEN THOUGH I HATE IT AND ID BE BREAKING PROMISES I JUST WANT HIM TO SEE WHAT THE FUCK HE LOOKS LIKE WHAT IT IS LIKE TO SEE FAMILY THAT WAY NIGHT AFTER NIGHT MY WHOLE LIFE ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED THE MOST OUT OF EVERYTHING IS MY DAD. I HAVE THOUGH OF SO MANY WAYS TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE AN ASS ABOUT ALCOHOL AND REALIZE THAT HE NEEDS TO STOP WHAT THE FUCK! HE NEVER SEES. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO FUCKING PAYS ATTENTION TO HIM TOO AND NOW HE IS TURNING ON ME TOO THINKING IM A GOLD DIGGER AND SHIT I HAVE NEVER TREATED HIM LIKE MY OWN PERSONAL BANK. BUT HIS EYES ARE CROSSING AND HE SEES EVERYONE THROUGH THE SAME FILTER! "THERE ALL OUT TO GET ME" I NEVER WANT TO HURT HIM I WANT TO HELP HIM BUT I CANT I HAVENT EXPLODED ON HIM LIKE THIS IN ABOUT A YEAR! THIS TIME WAS BAD! I JUST WANT MY DAD! THAT IS IT! AND IM STILL CONFUSED BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN SURE I KNOW WHO MY DAD REALLY IS. I HAVE AN IMAGINARY PICTURE IN MY HEAD OF WHO ID LIKE HIM TO BE ! AND I KEEP LETTING MY SELF DOWN BECAUSE I AM WAITING FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE! YOU HAVE LOST THE ABILITY DAD TO MAKE ME HAPPY WHEN NO ONE CAN OR WHEN YOU'VE FUCKED UP BECAUSE NOW YOUR APOLOGIES ARE NOTHING TO ME ITS IS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT IM NOT THAT LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE WHO YOU CAN SIT IN YOUR LAP AND PLAY A GAME WITH TO MAKE HER FORGET! I NEVER FERGOT JUST SO YOU KNOW! I NEVER WILL! I CANT EVEN WRITE N E MORE FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM DONE >>>DADDYS LITTLE ANGEL<<< | ||
| Jan. 31st, 2005 @ 09:53 pm ....... | |||
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| S0o0o0o0o yeah creepy guy! he finally came to valvoline today! this is the story: i was CSRing bay one and a tuck pulled up to bay 2. i told doug they were there. i realized it was the guy who has been watching me.so i hid next to the car i was CSRing.... i told him what was happening then left i went to hide in the office. i told jill to come. i had told her about this guy before. she got john for me who informed the other people working. doug was CSRing him. he came over to tell me that the guy had asked for me he sed i was busy. when doug went back the guy got out of his truck. walking past the employee area to go to the bathroom. the employee area is all windows. its where john was standing at the time. but i was out of sight.in the office. he got back to his truck and they finished the service. i went to go out n talk to john when he left n fergot that the driveway goes around the employee area. so i ran back n hid in the office. i could see like a sliver of the window maybe an inch n a half thick. when he drove by he looked straight at me! stopped short. got out and came to the employee area i just didnt move i could hear john was right next to the employee area. the guy came into the employee area and came right into the office! i thought i was john so i went to step around the corner n he was right there! he said"can i talk to you?" like he was my dad or something. i backed up and yelled NO. he stepped foreward and was gonna say something but john came and said"she's in thee office beacuse you make her very uncomfortable!" so he put his hands up n said "im leaving" | ||
| Jan. 30th, 2005 @ 10:22 pm ....... | |||
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| yeah never mind | ||
| Jan. 27th, 2005 @ 02:07 am DUM DEDUM DEDUM | |||
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feeling kindof ....:
Goooood Morning!!!!!!!!! i cant sleep at all yup oh well i dont know what to do with myself.. usually i would just lie down and try to sleep but now i can just do this instead.. i watched eye of the beholder the other night ummmm monday night i think yeah it was goooood i watched it again with my mom today she liked it too but she wanted a happy ending.. in the special features you could turn on or of the directory's comentary and that guy talks for the whole movie!!! that is a long time to sit and talk about practically nothing... i also set up my computer and printer today so i can make duplicates of pictures now i just need to buy paper... i have a doctoers appt. tomorrow at 11 with some big fat doctor..... my mom said he is scarry lol my moms crazy tho. i like this computer alot i just need the adobe CS software i need to find somewhere to get it kindof cheap...?? anyone?? im hungry toooo i know i said ill probally take a bath on sunday but i think im gonna take one tomorrow well later today actually.... i had an awesome weekend it took like a thousand and 26 halves of pressure off of my head. "you made me feel so much better about everything thank you so much you are exactly what i needed you always manage to do that i love it lol i love you"i got the SAT's done.. i need to apply for finantial aid this weekend .. i started my course at NECCO i think im going to have to fiil in a few gaps myself so ill just read ahead every week so i get things when "julie" the teacher teaches us i think i might use her for a mentor for mr trainor's thing we have to do.. cuz she is who i want to be.. i think im contemplating on whether im going to brazil n e more or not shhhhh dont tell frank lol , but i think its just gonna be a spring break thing im still learning portuguese tho.. and i might still go but it will probally just be a summer or something mhmm and i want to go to italy some time i dont know when but i dont want it to be forever away from now... i hate when the wind rattles my window.. it creeps me out i have all 6 lights on right now and im still creeped grrrrrr great so now my cat is at the door scratching..... that bugs me oh so much.. he'll go away eventually tho so thats good im not going to school tomorrrow either im going to be so so so very far behind when i get back there... i always end up missing class not shop but i love shop.. mr t might cushin a job for me to come back there and be a teacher's aid omg i would love that. i want to teach so bad either math of graphics ... highschool level. i need to call luciana back and tell her no price for me to teach he english... we'll trade what we know. she can teach me some portuguese.. im not good at all wow im hungry grrr i dont like that im too scared to go downstairs so i cant eat ne thing but im too hungry to sleep oh man this sucks.. i need to do something.. i think my brother is awake so im going to call the downstairs phone to check and then ask him to meet me at the bottom of the stairs.. im such a baby lol oh well im used to it n so are that people around me like frank :-D hehe i love him good morning all wide awake still!!!!listening to: incubus...begining of my claming cd lol <~~dork | ||
| Jan. 26th, 2005 @ 10:43 pm some pics | |||
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feeling kindof ....: wide awake
this is new to me so im trying it lol listening to: was apocalyptica but it just went to breaking benkamin http://albums.photo.epson.com/j/AlbumIn | ||
| Dec. 22nd, 2004 @ 10:58 pm ....... | |||
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feeling kindof ....:
im ok now.......:-D ....... content.....listening to: ................... | ||